It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
