she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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