she looked like the bat from fern gully.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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