Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
