if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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