On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
