I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
