Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
that's an acceptable place to lick
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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