I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
