The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
