I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
