thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
is that a dick in a sweater?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
