at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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