K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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