my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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