I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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