Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
