Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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