she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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