Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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