The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
