I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
