dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
