Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
