I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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