I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
