I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
