dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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