it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
