apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
