His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
