well you can't waste a boner
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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