i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
