when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
