Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
