Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I want to fling myself into the sun
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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