Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
