I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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