Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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