dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
