MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
