my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
