____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
