I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
