dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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