don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
