No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
