I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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