Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
