wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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