i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
