I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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