Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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