I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
