Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
